


The Beginning

by orphan_account



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Binge Drinking, Break Up, Daddy Issues, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Excessive Drinking, Heavy Drinking, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hurt Loki, Hurt Tony, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki-centric, M/M, Male Slash, Oblivious Tony, Odin's A+ Parenting, Odin's Bad Parenting, Post-Avengers (2012), Pregnant Loki, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Tony Feels, Tony Has Issues, Tony Has Trust Issues, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 04:30:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2679179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the following video:</p><p>https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4pJM6iAiUb4</p><p>Takes place in an AU where Loki's been banished to Midgard for his actions in The Avengers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There's going to be multiple installments. Each installment will be multi-chaptered. This first one is really angsty.

"Oh, I gotta go to bed," Loki moaned. "Stark! Keep it down, people are trying to sleep around here!" he yelled, pulling the pillow over his head trying to drown out the sounds coming from next door where Pepper and Tony were having the noisiest sex the god had ever heard.

"Hey! It's my house, Reindeer Games!" the billionaire shouted as Pepper shushed him. "No! Why should I shush? He's just bitter because he's not getting laid by a smoking hot redhead. Or by...anyone,"

Loki's heart fluttered. Tony was right. He was lonely, and extremely jealous of the happy pair. But not for the reasons the playboy thought. "Cut him some, slack, Tony," Pepper said kindly. "Maybe we can set him up. But...do we set him up with a guy or a girl? I never know if he's attracted to men or women more. Wasn't he pregnant a really long time ago?"

"Dunno," Tony replied, disinterested. "But speaking of pregnant," he purred as Pepper squealed.

"I thought you didn't want kids..."

"Doesn't mean I don't enjoy practicing,"

Loki squeezed his eyes shut and he felt a single tear trickle down his cheek. "Tony. I'm attracted to Tony," he whispered, sighing heavily, willing the noisy couple to fall asleep. He eventually fell into a fitful sleep himself, dreaming of a world in which he and his beautiful genius were together and happy.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki awoke the next morning exhausted and went to breakfast. He hadn't bothered looking in the mirror but if he had, he'd have seen that his eyes were still bloodshot, face still slightly puffy. He was a pitiful sight. Much to his horror, Tony was already at the table, alone, eating. He tried to slip away unnoticed, but was too late.

"Hey, Frosty. Oi! C'mon, have breakfast with me," the billionaire called.

Loki's shoulders slumped and he lowered his head, shuffling back to take a seat at the table, shoulders hunched. "Morning," he said quietly, not looking up, reaching for the cereal box.

"Hey...you alright? You've been quiet lately. I can't even remember the last time you magicked live snakes into my drink,"

That elicited a small chuckle from the trickster. "Haven't been sleeping well," Loki said thickly, his voice breaking slightly.

Tony looked at him with genuine concern. "Nightmares? Maybe Bruce can give you a sedative,"

Loki blinked several times against the tears that were threatening. "I'm just so tired," he sighed wearily.

"Hey, hey, it's alright, don't worry. Finish your breakfast, then you can lay down. I always sleep better after I've eaten," Tony suggested with kind eyes.

Loki slowly finished his cereal, finding it difficult to eat with the lump that had formed in his throat. The food tasted like nothing, and he hadn't been hungry in the first place. He forced the rest down so's not to arouse suspicion, burped softly, and rose to put the dishes in the sink. He yawned tiredly, eyes closing heavily of their own accord. "You done?" he asked, moving to put Tony's coffee mug in the sink, as well.

Tony looked up from his paper. "C'mon, Frosty, let's go,"

"Could you not call me Frosty?"

"Otter Pop? Icee? Jotun Ice? Ya gotta gimme something here..."

Loki pouted. "How about Loki?" he asked softly.

Tony nodded and followed the god to the couch, handing him a blanket. "Comfy, Fr-Loki?"

Loki pulled the covers up to his chin and nodded. "Very. Thank you. But..." he gazed at Tony curiously. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

Tony sat on the coffee table and looked at the god earnestly. "You've been through a lot. I know it's been really hard on you, and...I know how that feels. It sucks. Especially when you're alone. I just...don't want you to suffer like I did. Before I found Pepper,"

Loki flinched noticeably at the mention of her name, sitting up, suddenly agitated. "I don't need your pity!" he said angrily.

"It's not..." began Tony defensively.

"I-I..." Loki struggled for a cover story to explain his outburst and failed. "I'll always be alone," he sighed.

"Why?" Tony asked, curious. "You don't have to be, Loki. If you are, it's by choice,"

"Not by mine," he slipped, blushing furiously once he realized he'd said too much.

"Not...by yours," the genius repeated. "When I mentioned Pepper..."

"Please let it go," Loki implored, closing his eyes, swallowing hard.

"You haven't been sleeping well. Especially last night. We were..."

"Stop! I know what you were doing last night, Tony. I heard," he whispered.

"Yea. I know," he said, shoulders slumping at the realization. "There something you wanna tell me, Loki?"

The god drew a deep breath, bracing himself for the bitter sting of rejection but he had to take a chance; otherwise he'd never know. "I'm in love with you," he whispered shakily, closing his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

"God, Loki, I'm so sorry. I...I had no idea. I'll move your room," Tony said gently, uncharacteristically solemn. He hadn't meant to hurt Loki. He wasn't a sadist; he just didn't feel that way about him. He felt awful.

Loki shook his head, tears slowly sliding down his cheeks. "It's OK. I don't want to cause trouble," Tony chuckled at the irony of the statement. "I don't want to cause trouble over room location," Loki clarified, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth in spite of himself.

Tony shook his head emphatically. "Please let me do this for you. It's the least I can do. I want you to feel better, Lo," he said affectionately.

"'Lo.' I like that," the god said quietly, suddenly shy and insecure. He felt so exposed and vulnerable, yet safe. It was a different, not entirely unpleasant, feeling.

Tony smiled kindly. "Good. You mind if I sit with you? I wanna watch CNN. I'll put closed captions on so I don't disturb you,"

"You don't need to babysit me, Stark. I won't fall apart,"

"I know. But I want to spend some time with you, even if it _is_ while you sleep. It did wonders for Cap and Phil's relationship. I want to," he repeated. And he meant it.

***

Tony and Pepper were at dinner that night when he decided to tell her about the morning's events. "So Loki's in love with me," he announced abruptly.

She laughed loudly. "What?!"

Tony nodded once. "Loki's in love with me. He told me this morning,"

Pepper gazed at him quizzically, sipping her wine. "And how does that make you feel?"

"Shitty. I know it's hard for him, I remember being in his situation, being around the person you love without them feeling the same way. It hurts. It _really_ hurts. But...I've got you now, so it was worth it," he reached for her hand.

"Tony," she began, slowly pulling her hand out of his reach. "I love you," she sighed. "But I can't play second fiddle to your work anymore. I want more. My biological clock's ticking. I want a baby,"

"Pepper," he said wearily. "We've been through this. You said you were good with it,"

"Maybe I've changed my mind," she said quietly.

Tony looked up and met her gaze. "Have you?" She nodded slowly, almost imperceptibly. "What're you saying?" he whispered, swallowing hard.

"I'm saying goodbye, Tony,"

***

Loki awoke in the middle of the night famished. He padded into the kitchen and flipped on the light, startled to find Tony at the table with a half-empty bottle of Scotch. The god gazed at him curiously and noticed the playboy was crying quietly. "Are you alright, Stark?"

"No," Tony said glumly, taking a long pull on the bottle. "Pepper moved out,"

"Why?" he asked, chest tightening.

Tony laughed bitterly. "I told her about what you said to me this morning. She said she'd been examining her feelings and priorities more and more. She wants a family. I won't give that to her,"

Loki sighed. "So you'd rather be miserable than compromise?"

"How is having a baby compromising? I don't want children!" Tony said emphatically.

Loki raised an eyebrow. "You're scared," he observed wisely.

"Yea, well, you would be too if you'd been raised the way I was. My dad never told me he loved me, never even told me he liked me..." he whispered, throat tightening. He took another swig, trying to dull the pain.

Loki's eyes filled with tears. "I know how you feel," he nodded sympathetically.

"You do, don't you?" Tony asked, trying to focus on Loki, though his vision was hazy in his drunken state. He reached a hand out, taking Loki's in his own and resting it against his cheek.

Loki stroked tenderly and Tony leaned into the touch. "Anthony," he whispered, recognizing how close to danger they both were.

"Kiss me, Lo," Tony slurred.

Loki gritted his teeth. He wouldn't take advantage of the man he loved. He didn't want their first kiss to be like this. He shook his head. "You need to sleep,"

Tony looked stricken. "Yea. Figured. You don't want me now, either," he said flatly, draining the bottle. "I'm so tired,"

Loki swallowed hard, tears blurring his vision. "I know. Come on, let's get you to bed," he said gently, scooping the mortal up and carrying him bridal style to the bedroom, tucking him in.

"Lo?" asked Tony in a small voice as he switched off the light.

"Yea?"

"Please don't leave me alone tonight,"

Loki wordlessly crossed the room and laid next to Tony, spooning him, and held him close to his chest, waiting for the even breathing that signaled sleep. Both men were grateful for the darkness that night, not wanting the light to betray their tears to the other.


	4. Chapter 4

"We don't have to talk about it," Loki said matter-of-factly the next day, handing Tony a large mug of strong black coffee and a slice of dry toast as the billionaire sat up slowly, still in bed.

Tony took a sip of the coffee as he eyed the toast warily. "What if I want to?" he challenged.

The god sighed deeply. He didn't know how much more heartache he could stand before he crumbled, but put on a brave face. He turned to Tony and forced a smile. "Then we talk,"

"I've never been with a guy before, it's just not my thing," he began as Loki nodded numbly. "But...I know that I really care about you, Lo. A lot. I'm comfortable with you. You're the only one who can match me sass for sass. I like that," he smirked.

"Eat your toast. It'll settle your stomach. Unless it's your intention to vomit all over your thousand dollar silk sheets and myself in the process," Loki tutted as the inventor's stomach groaned.

"See? Sass. But more than that, I feel like you care about me," he said slowly.

"I do," Loki confirmed non committally.

"I need that. Look...I know I'm a mess. I'm selfish, I'm spoiled, I'm damaged, I'm narcissistic, I'm volatile, I'm self-obsessed..."

"You don't play well with others. Yes, I've read Fury's report, Anthony," Loki teased, interrupting his monologue.

Tony sighed. "Bottom line, Lo, is we're a lot alike. A _lot_ alike. Maybe we'd be good for one another. At least we'd know we'd be understood by our partner," he said, resting his head on the god's shoulder as he munched his toast.

"I'd like that. But, Anthony, you're getting crumbs all over me,"

Tony chuckled. "I can't promise anything other than I'm willing to try and will do my damnedest to make you happy,"

"I know," Loki sighed, kissing the top of Tony's head. "But please be patient with me. It's been a long time since I've allowed myself to be vulnerable with another person. I'm very insecure and don't know if I'll be very good at it,"

Tony lifted his head up and brushed his lips against the god's. "I know. I'm in the same position, Lo. I'm scared as fuck, but know that there's no one else I'd rather be scared with," he said reassuringly, kissing Loki so deeply the trickster felt the air was being sucked from his lungs.

"Thank you. And I know you can't say it yet, but I love you, Anthony,"

"I'll get there," Tony promised. "Now why don't I get dressed and we can tell the others?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter in this section. Feedback is welcomed and appreciated. I'm not sure anyone's even reading this...

"You said you'd try," Loki accused softly.

"Right. 'Try,'" Tony said, irritated. "Look, she came back to get a few boxes. I needed closure,"

Loki laughed darkly, running his hands through his hair. "So you fucked her. In _our_ bed..." He was hurt beyond words. He'd known better than to trust Stark with his heart. Better to have it happen now, after a few months, than years down the road; though he doubted the pain would be any greater the more involved he got. "I've gotta go," he said, through a choked sob.

"Where?"

Loki shook his head. "Doesn't matter,"

Tony put a hand firmly on his shoulder. "Yes, it does!" he said, voice breaking.

"To whom?"

"To me," Tony whispered, breaking down. "Loki, I...I love you. I know I did a shitty thing, the worst thing a person can do to someone else. I betrayed your trust, I knew you were scared and instead of having the balls to tell you how fucking terrified I was, too, I ran. I turned around and did the one thing I knew would fuck everything up. I'm a fucking disaster, but if you don't take anything else out of this mess, please...know that I love you. Please," he whispered plaintively.

Loki had stopped when Tony began speaking but hadn't turned around. His shoulders were shaking as he quietly sobbed, trying to absorb everything that had happened. He still couldn't get her scent on the sheets out of his mind. It was almost as if Tony had wanted..."You wanted me to find out, didn't you," It wasn't a question. Loki was the most intelligent being Tony had met. The god turned around, eyes filled with tears, reflecting the pain he clearly felt. "Why?"

Tony hung his head in shame and felt his own tears spill over. "I'm scared. I wanted to see if you'd leave. I was right to be scared. You're leaving,"

"That's not fair, Tony. You can't intentionally hurt me, knowing full well how terrified I am, as well, then accuse me of leaving. It's just not fair,"

Tony looked at him, lower lip trembling, for what felt like forever to Loki. "Then please stay. I'm sorry," the billionaire pleaded, dropping to his knees. "Please. I'm so, so sorry, Loki. I love you. Please. Give me another chance. I swear to you that I'll never hurt you again. Please. I swear on your mother's grave,"

Loki's head jerked at the mention of Frigga. Tony knew how sensitive he was about her. She was his one and only truly soft spot. "If you _ever_ do anything like that to me again, Anthony Stark, I promise you that I will turn and leave, even if it kills me to do so,"

Tony nodded as he sobbed and held his arms out. Loki enveloped him in a warm hug and they clung to one another as they wept. "I'm so sorry, Loki, I'm so, sorry,"

"I know," Loki crooned soothingly. "It's OK, we don't have to talk about it anymore. But can we please get our own bed?"

Tony sniffled as he said, "JARVIS, get someone to deliver a new bed. I want it here and set up in an hour,"

"Yes, sir," the AI replied as Tony still clung to Loki.

"I love you, Loki. I really do,"

"I know, Anthony," Loki said simply. "I love you, too,"


End file.
